


A Different Kind of Jealousy

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 08:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Louisa finds out just how 'close' Lisa and Anne were.





	A Different Kind of Jealousy

Louisa still felt morose as she rode along the road that led to Wolf Hall Inn. Lisa had run off without her, abandoning her with Evergray, and tears still stung at her eyes at the feeling of abandonment. She’d thought that Lisa was always with her, would always believe her. But maybe… maybe Louisa’s distrust of Fripp and immediate siding with Evergray had worried Lisa. Maybe she thought that Louisa was crazy, or at least wrong. 

Louisa’s lower lip trembled, but she tried to still it and dry her eyes surreptitiously with the sleeve of her green tunic as the three Soul Riders came into sight. Meteor, bless him, was nibbling at the weeds that grew up between the cobblestones in front of the inn. Tin Can looked as agitated as his rider, while Starshine… he was looking towards Louisa and Goldmist, his ears pricked. Lisa turned at some silent message, probably an actual message from Starshine, and glanced at Louisa before looking away.

“Well, what did Evergray say?” asked Alex, gripping the reins tightly in her eagerness to get going. “Can we go save her now or what?”

“There’s… I think he’s sending me to Pandoria, but it won’t be on Prison Island,” said Louisa, brushing some hair behind her ear. She’d tried to listen to what Evergray had said, she really had, but… Avalon’s words had shaken her.

“Close? You mean because they were in Pandoria together, right?” she’d asked, a sudden stab of jealousy piercing her heart. Lisa had looked rather upset, after all, and she’d ridden off very quickly. Louisa had only seen one person do that before, and she was…

“You’d be better off asking your girlfriend that yourself,” Avalon had said. It had been very hard for Louisa to ignore her feelings and just listen to what Evergray was saying.

Now, Lisa still wasn’t really looking at or talking to her. Louisa winced, looking at the ground.

“Oh, talk to her!” said Starshine with a shake of his head, and shook the rest of his body along with it.

“We can… wait until after I’m done with Evergray,” said Louisa. “Or maybe we should.”

“Yeah,” said Lisa too quickly. “We should do that.” 

Going to Pandoria at least managed to take Louisa’s mind off of her feelings. To start with, the void between worlds was eerie, full of floating ruins and air that looked dusty. She felt like she was inside a temple that had just exploded, or was still in the process of exploding. Pandoria itself looked the same, and she spent a long time getting lost and searching for the right shard. Then, she spent even longer staring at Anne, hanging forlornly in the distance, before trying to find her way back to the portal.

At last, after leaving Evergray in Moorland to stick out like a sore thumb, Louisa found Lisa being nudged towards her by Starshine in the stable yard. Louisa looked at her feet, chewing her lip, as tears stung her eyes again.

“Hey,” said Lisa, glancing up at her.

“Hey,” Louisa murmured. Goldmist gave her a nudge too, sending her stumbling forward a step.

“I’m… sorry for just abandoning you like that,” said Lisa.

“No, I get it,” said Louisa, looking at her face. “I was thinking about it, and you and Anne were both in Pandoria. And I already know how guilty you feel about her being moved and leaving her there because you escaped, so of course you’d have that reaction.”

“Yeah, that’s… not the whole reason,” said Lisa, and Louisa’s heart sank.

“I thought so,” said Louisa in a quiet voice, looking at her boots. “When you reacted like that, I… it reminded me of how Alex would react.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but then Lisa’s fingers touched her chin, tilting her head up so that she could look her girlfriend in the eyes.

“Believe me when I say that I’d react exactly the same if it was you,” said Lisa. “And yes, it was mostly the guilt. She wouldn’t be trapped there if it weren’t for me. But I haven’t felt that way about her in a long time.” Louisa could barely find the words to speak.

“And how do I know that those feelings won’t come back?” asked Louisa. “I know it’s stupid to be jealous of Anne, especially with where she is now, but-“ Lisa stopped her with a laugh.

“Everyone on this planet is jealous of Anne,” said Lisa. “Or at least, she’d like to think so. But those feelings? I only feel them for you now. And I love you so much more than I ever loved her.”

“Does Alex know?” asked Louisa. Lisa looked down.

“Why do you think she was so quick to give us her blessing?” said Lisa. “Me being with you means that I can’t have feelings for Anne anymore. And I don’t. Because for all of her good looks, for all of her newfound strength and bravery, she was still a selfish bitch. The only non-selfish bone in her is reserved for Alex, who she loves with all her heart. I didn’t want to tear that apart, so I just… threw myself into music. Had some one night stands. Fantasised, but never… you know. And there was one night, my plane was delayed so I had nowhere to go and she took me back to her hotel room.”

“Stop,” Louisa whispered, closing her eyes. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and Lisa rubbed the back of her neck.

“Sorry,” said Lisa. “I won’t talk about it anymore. I promise. Not even if you ask, I just… please don’t cry.”

“You say that you don’t love her anymore, but that was a pretty big reaction,” said Louisa, rubbing her eyes.

“I know,” said Lisa, raking her fingers through her hair. “But I only love you now, Louisa. Surely, you’ve loved other people before?”

“It’s never been returned,” said Louisa, her lower lip still wobbling.

“Oh,” said Lisa, paling as sudden realisation crashed over her. “I’m so sorry, babe, I should’ve been upfront with you.”

“Nothing could’ve prevented this,” said Louisa, feeling an ache spread through her. “It’s just… the way I am. Even with my friends, I get jealous too easily because I’ve always worried that they’re going to find out that I’m not as cool as they think I am, and that they’ll find someone better to hang out with.” Lisa hugged her tightly, and Louisa felt some small modicum of relief.

“Hey, I’ve seen you at your worst,” said Lisa. “But also your best. And I’m not leaving you. Ever. I promise. You need to have more faith in yourself.”

“And I’m trying,” said Louisa. “But my jealousy issues are always going to be around. I don’t know how to make them go away.”

“Well, here’s one tip,” said Lisa. “When you’re starting to feel left out, speak up. Even if it’s just to one or two of your closer friends, shoot them a message and let them know that you’re feeling a bit left out.”

“But won’t that come off as me being whiny?” asked Louisa. “Don’t I just have to get over it?”

“Not if it upsets you this much,” said Lisa. “And I’ll always be here for you. Always.”

“Unless it’s when I side with Evergray,” said Louisa.

“That was mostly frustration that he was making us wait again,” said Lisa. “I’m sick and tired of waiting, we need to act now to save Anne. For Alex’s sake.”

“I feel that way too,” said Louisa, feeling her happiness burn away some of the pain. “We’ve been promised for ages that we’d be able to go save Anne, and then Darko ruined everything, and now Evergray has thrown a new spanner in the works just when he’s supposed to be helping us.”

“Exactly,” said Lisa, nodding. “And I didn’t think to ask you to come along when I left, I just assumed that you would.”

“I was hoping that Evergray would let slip some more lore,” said Louisa. “He didn’t.”

“Probably because Avalon was there,” said Lisa. “But ah well. Maybe next time. In the meantime, I need to spoil you after I upset you so much.”

“Thank you,” said Louisa, smiling as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend.

“Hey, someone needs to show you how special you are,” said Lisa, rubbing her back.

As the two of them left Moorland Stables, headed for Jorvik City, Louisa felt lighter. She’d still need to talk to Evergray tomorrow, but for now, at least she felt better. Lisa wasn’t going to abandon her for a girl that she’d once had a crush on, that was just stupid.


End file.
